I’ve been told since day one “what you’re doing will leave permanent damage.” But, I’m stuck neck deep into an addiction I’ve tried but can’t manage. I know my will to live is tough, but my cravings are tougher. They say; “the brain needs 8 hours of sleep every night to recover.” But, I’m up binging for days in a row saying “**** it” while overdosing. I lit another cigarette, nothing hit like being high and chain smoking. I lose all of my self-control and I take more until I think I'm dying. Until I’m sick and shivering and there is no point denying. That I’m delusional and paranoid. It won’t take too long until I'm hallucinating. Until I can't recognize myself or the world, and I get stuck dissociating. I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, I meet her eyes and I freeze. Her skin is gray, with tired eyes. She crumbles and her breathing cease. Stuck inside a body she can't beat, wanting to get free. My eyes tear up and my heart stops when I realize she is me.