nineteen

19

potassium

nineteen.

my heart was broken at 19.

granted, it's been broken before
but not as wild
i felt heartache at nineteen

i saw the mountains at 19

with music playing
like sirens on an emerald
i found truth at nineteen

truth beyond me
beyond me such
that i didn't matter anymore

i found out i was broken
at nineteen

and i spent my wasted hours
fixing a gravel path
looking for blinding lights
gnawing at oxen corpses

waiting for 19 to end
into a 20
for another year of
another backache

another **** decade, as well

but nineteen was fun, too

nineteen i listened to music
on the dark empty road
and found happiness in nothing

nineteen i slept for fifteen hours
every day
and fed off marrow after the hard case

nineteen i told someone i loved them
and they knew they were loved
even when everything was grim

nineteen i was better
than eighteen
oh, tons better

(eighteen me was an absolute *******,
just the worst ******* pillock)

and i will wait for 19 to end
into 20
another year
another backache

and another me
better than before