All I yearn for is to smile
Without use of force
Want to **** my unhappiness
Can't pinpoint the source

Then life gets worse the more I strive
Don't know what I should do
Hard to see the planet in technicolor
When soaked in shades of blue

All I wanted was within reach
So close could almost touch
Watched it crumble before my eyes
Guess I didn't deserve that much

It is too late to find myself
I am too far gone
Left zero breadcrumbs to retrace
Steps back to the trail I was on

All I longed for was to make my parents proud
Couldn't live up to the task
They hang their heads in shame
Avoiding questions asked

Then life gives different difficulties
Destined for damnation
Appears no matter which path I travel
All lead to the same location

The price to soothe sting of sorrow
Not one cent more than your very own soul
Owe the devil more than I can pay
The debt is taking it's toll

The 'someday' I keep putting off
Might arrive 24 hours too late
Dangerous to gamble with death
I continue to procrastinate

There will come time where I find myself
Backed into some corner
Then must either battle my demons
Or set a date with the coroner

When all I am missing is too challenging to find
Hidden the single place I don't expect
Camouflaged in front of me
Every other place I've double-checked

A little laughter or slightest curve
Of mouth always gives me the slip
Doubt the peace I am desperate for
Ever will rest on my lips

Without my baggage I would be light
Should throw my burdens away
Drifting high into sky like balloons
Wonder how much less I would weigh

The past I play like movie reels
Rewinded in mind
Visiting simpler time and place
Life actually treated me kind

That little fantasy my escape
Reprieve from cruelty I endure
Inclined to believe was exactly as I recall
Honestly I can't be sure

It's time to give up these broken dreams
While I hold pieces hands start bleeding
Scarlet fragments only hold me back
Prevent from succeeding

But for now lift my weary head
Trudge forward best as I can
It's frustrating to navigate this world's twists and turns
Especially without compass or plan

And attempt to muster the necessary courage
To amputate parts of myself I hate
Lack the strength to cut out my weakness
The power to change my fate

If staying where I am stuck in the same spot
I will still be there until I die
It's as if my feet are frozen in cement
Do not understand the reason why

I know am capable of improvement
Because was a better person before
If I was free from chains back then
Who is to say I can't be once more?