My shoulder cave in to create protection from my own hands.
I try to formulate the smooth sounds that usually flow from my lips,
now those words are cracked and each first letter repeated.
A few seem to not leave my mouth, even after a push and put all of my energy towards it.
I stand there, my mouth open my brows furrowed, all to tell you how I feel.
How I feel
I feel betrayed. I feel angry. I feel upset.
There is only so much I can really feel, there is a limit.
When it boils over,
That is when you find me as I am.
Trying to make myself the smallest I can for I am not worth it.
My hands covering my ears so tightly because I want to hear nothing but my own negotiation.
My eyes trained on that one speck of brown on my left shoe,
trying to distract myself from the red on both my palms.
My body is shivering and jerking,
My eyes as red as the neck I gasp for air.
That is how you find me now.