Boy Scouts
I admire them
But I can't look them in the eye
Maybe it's their uniforms
Or their presence
Or their honorable character
Or maybe it's just because they are boys
When I look away from people
I feel like I'm hiding
I feel safer that way
But when I'm around boys
Even looking down reveals too much
My body is large
My hair a disgrace
And don't even get me started on MY character
Or lack of character
Boy Scouts
I think they are good boys
Growing into good men
But I won't let myself associate with them
I'm not worthy to be around them
Sure they might like being around me
But they are too good of character to be around me
I'm a mess
They are organized
I'm fat
They are healthy
I'm lazy
They are disciplined
I'm bad company for them
I'll just ruin their reputation
I'm not worthy to be their friend
There are better girls than me
I think I'll run away
Disappear
They won't notice
Except that the darkness is gone
There are better girls for them
Who encourage their courageous lives
Girls who are good company
Not girls who want to hide
Girls who are light and beauty
Feminine and fair faced
What am I? An ugly bag
Better off taken out with the trash
Because that's what I am
I reek of bad habits and insecurity
I am so unhealthy
Lost in the dark
The darkness though is me
I need to run and hide
No one will find me
No one will miss me
They'll be better off without
This bruised soul in a horrid body
Her heart cracking under stress
Like glass that's worn out
Just smash me already
Break my heart into pieces
Let the shards splinter my body
Carve the bad out of me
Let me bleed
Let be bleed
Cut off the evil inside
Destroy the darkness
I'm so ugly
Inside and out
Everyone's blind
To the real me
Boy Scouts
I admire them
Like the friends
I want to have
But can't afford
Because friendships end
People leave
All the time
Sure they might remember me
Lying in the dust
However my heart will be dead by then
They won't even recognize me
Boy Scout
One of my friends I trusted
He has better friends than me
I think I'll leave him
It will be better for the both of us
Because I fail all the time
I'm not dependable
I'm ugly
He deserves better
Better friends than me