A voicemail

Home had become suffocating
I'd spend hours in my room
with anxiety grasping my throat
Waiting for air
What is that you say?
Go outside for air
Outside became too judgemental
It caused me to become a two-way mirror
Outside became beautiful
Inside the bag was over my head
Tied with zip tie thoughts had become suffocating
And now you’re telling me to calm down and breathe
The only time I inhale is when I'm in my deepest moment of despair
Thinking it will be my last in hell
Breathing in this gray murky thick polluted air
I guess I'm supposed to exhale now right, and just let go
If I let go what do I have my pain has got me this far
Maybe I need to be suffocating, need that zip tie a little tighter,
need to open my lungs to inhale more of the pestilent air
Maybe I want to be suffocating