You’re with me through the highs and lows
Whether I’m shaking hands or throwing elbows
You’re with me through the parties and the funerals
With coffee or tea and mostly *****
After *** and after I eat
In cold or in heat
After I shower and before I go out
When in luck or in doubt
You help to both stimulate and avoid conversation
You’re my muse when the record player keeps breaking
You keep my hands and mouth busy
Helping me to avoid accidents
The world says I should quit you,
But how can I betray my only friend?