Oh god, it's all gone wrong.

What have I done?
What can I do?
Oh god, where are you?
Do I cry?
Do I pray?

I don't know what to say.
Am I lost?
Out of time?
Have I finally reached the end of the line?

It's done now, it's over.
It's gone, I'm through.
Is this all that's left of me and you?

Can I simply walk away, knowing that it's all gone gray?

What do I say?

How do I say it was an accident without crying or getting mad?
Cause ******* all, I'm angry!
So angry and so sad.
How I do speak before you and tell you all these things?

All these stories
All these memories
All these lifetimes
All these songs
He'll never get to sing

How do I tell you he was perfect?
Cause he wasn't.

And how do we sit here and say that he was?
Isn't that dishonoring him and his cause?

But no.

We sit here and tell these lies
to make ourselves feel like we weren’t the bad guys
But I sit here as his friend and I tell you
you were wrong.
He hated all of you.
And now he's gone.

He wouldn't want us to be sad.
He'd say, go on, have a party!
He wouldn't want us to cry.

He'd say go on without me.
He wouldn’t have wanted this.
But how could any of you have known that?
He never told you.

So are you bad parents, bad teachers, and bad friends?
For never noticing a child at his wit's end?
No, you're not.

But was I?
Because he told me, and I never batted an eye.

I thought he was joking.
Just having some fun.
Now the jokes not funny.
And it's over for everyone.

So, was it his fault?
Was it yours, was it mine?
I guess we'll never know.

All I know is that he was my friend,
and I wish that he didn’t have to go.

So I sit here, saying sorry, for something I don't believe.
Cause I know him.
I knew him.
Better than any of you.
He wore so many long sleeves.
The world outside his window was incredible to him.
He loved it, and he hated it,
and he called it such a sin.

So now we sit here.
It's not over, but we’d like to think it is.
You'll go home and watch a movie,
maybe cuddle up with friends.

We’d like to think it's over.
We’d like to put it away, but some of us don't have that luxury.
Some of us have to stay.

So tell me.
Who was he? Who is he? Did you know?
Were you his friends and family, or strangers?
We don’t know.