I thought of her as my best friend.
The sister, the role-model.
I never had that from another woman.
Almost a decade older.
She was blonde and Brazilian.
A former successful attorney.
What does that really mean though?

The woman I was becoming:
Shifting to disempowered without even knowing who I was spending my time with.
Damaged and betrayed
She looks for external fixes for internal problems.
Let’s buy some hair and skin care for you, she’d say.
Ignoring people. Always working.
Without knowing why.
Uncommitted to her appointments.
Lost in her 1 dimensional world
It sounded like 5 out loud.
Something felt off.

I continued talking to her about all my relationships, it felt like her life was spilling into mine and I couldn’t get out.
She encouraged me through her own past to be involved with a man who was highly unwell and attempted harm on us both.

These were the facades of the longest shadow, and also where the most leaning in, learning, growth, and shifting took place for me.

She never made time to be my friend.
Women who invite you over to cook and bake, go out for dinner or tea, drink, make silly videos on YouTube, get your hair and nails done, and drag you to parties, may be friendly towards you but they aren’t necessarily what we call friendship.
Physical and emotional care is wellness. And I knew it.

But, we ignore the signs I think because we believe ourselves into feeling like we need someone when they don’t need anyone.
We don’t need, we just focus on building ourselves, discovering health in new ways.

Values, personal qualities, standards, strengths, and illuminated boundaries are the ingredients to the foundation of a true friend.

It took me almost 2 years to speak up and drop the knife.

Look for the meaning in the experience.

Nothing can make up for the aligned place within.

I have since showed up to never expected experiences that I created from what I’ve healed from.

Now this woman can go inside, she can shift it, and externally it must change.

This is personal power.
Evolving deeper and deeper into the highest expression of who I was meant to be.

We all have attributes that make-up our  character.

Attributes show up, but they are inherent to our nature and it is a matter of adaptability to get out of situations that we need in order to be our best and to become these healed attributes.
And it happens through living our higher self. And that self is mere awareness.
Dive in. I believe in you.