it’s hard when you realize
that you are the one
secluding yourself
and pushing your own back against the wall.

that you could have everything
if only you would reach out
and grab it
but for some reason you can’t.

no amount of logic
can change it.
you recognize the self sabotage
and continue betraying yourself.

you want to scream and cry
and tell yourself to stop.
but you can’t move on the outside.
you’re completely numb.