These are the words I say most,
The ones that take me on the journey of the impossible,
The life I leave is full of sadness,
But the one I enter is worse,
What if,
What if I was what you want me to be?
What if I could hold your hand but for a moment,
You don't notice,
You don't see,
So I escape,
Into my secret places,
The place that I hate most,
But also where I can be accepted,
My imagination betrays my emotions
What if's,
What if I was more than one person,
Even then I could not love everyone,
Though somehow,
I can as one.

What if I had died those years ago,
Before you knew me,
Would you have lived like normal?
Would I not have caused this conflict within you?
What if the people I care most about are only being hurt by me,
These are the what if's,
That I try to ignore,
But when they look my in the face,
When I try to talk ,
But no words escape,
When I see you hurting day after day,
Knowing that I am a part of it,
I can't help but wonder,
Are the if's just reality?