I stare blankly at the open door.
Music drifts from my headphones
and through my mind.
But I pay no attention.
My mind is like a lake before a storm.
Absolutely still and gray.
I don't feel anything.
I keep walking through my life,
waiting for something to happen.
I'm in love and loved
but my mind is ignoring her.
In the recesses of my mind.
There is only pain and a midnight sky
without its stars.
I want to step outside and smile.
But that seems impossible when
there is nothing inside of me that wants to move
from my position on the floor.
I wish I could lay here forever but
there are people who say they need me.
If they need me so much, why does everything
I do for them seem so wrong?
They're always dissatisfied with me.
I don't understand it.
Just let me go if I'm so bad.
So weak. So lame and lazy and stupid.
But you won't,
and instead you keep a puppet,
whose empty shell guards the girl from the outside.
I don't want to be here,
especially here with you.