back then. . .
so young and so full of life as
I tried to have as much fun as
I could with so many lovers
that came and went like night
and day as so many wanted my
love but I couldn't stay because
it just wasn't my way but I learned
from those mistakes and was able
to find the causes of my problems
and eliminate them.

back then. . .
I didn't know where to begin or if
it would ever end so I just didn't
pretend because life isn't like the
movies where everybody wins and
my words come from within while
some from real dark places I have
been in and some ugly faces I have
seen in what sometimes feels like
a dream.

back then. . .
I was sharp and tight just looking
for a fight when I was a soldier
making one those many one-shot
one -**** missions that I was so good at
or trying to hold a useless hill in a war
no one wants to remember but will
never let go.

and now. . .
I write my thoughts in an attempt
to escape those demons that invade
my head and want me dead and it
is day to day hoping that I will be
given just one more heart to hold
and just one more night to get it right
with just one more lover to get me
through another night.

and now. . .
I have learned to be here now
because now is all that we have
and when you are here, you are
here and when you are gone, you
are gone so you have to realize
that it isn't a problem to be gone
as long as you are really here
when you are here.

but now. . .
if I were to leave and never come back
no one would care for real love seems
now so rare and it just seems to be
hit and miss...sadness then bliss all at
the whim of the mind but now if
things go wrong I don't quit but I stick
to the fight nor do I give up though
the pace seems slower because who
knows I might succeed with just one
more blow and it is no longer for show.      
                                                               Jon  York       2013