Pigs can’t look up at the sky Not while they’re standing The anatomy of their neck muscles Doesn't let them look totally upwards They can strain and they can pull But their noses will never meet clouds I am a pig on her way to the slaughter Straining and pulling I cannot look upwards Unless I’m lying down
There was a father A man much too far away Someone more than merely a man Someone I could not hear nor see Because my eyes are those of a mortal I am nothing but an animal in a pen And I simply cannot look up to the heavens to see Him So I listen to others speak of Him I read about Him in books written for me And I hope that He can somehow hear me
There was a father A man that would beat his piglets He wrung my legs until I could not stand And so I could do nothing But look up at him from the mud, begging He was the only father I knew But my eyes were blinded, out of focus By a sun I was not used to seeing So I blindly trusted him What else is a piglet supposed to do?
There was a father A man that loved the pen openly Loved his children and his piglets He would take me from the mud And hold me belly-up to the sky at night So I could marvel at the stars So I could squeal prayers to the moon He saw my bruises and my scars He told me I was more than a piglet He told me I was a boar with tusks
I should have known I couldn't trust a father I trusted him with the hurt, the longing The secrets I nursed hidden from others’ eyes He taught me what it meant to trust He was my father when I was crying out for one He made me forget That I have never needed a father And I certainly don’t need my father Asking to hogtie me for photos Asking if I’d want that from him
I should have known I couldn’t trust a father The father of my blood chipped my hooves He made my snout bleed I was so young and so helpless I didn’t know that this was not was love is When he finally left, I went searching Yearning for something to fill the gap That had never housed compassion to begin with But I was never taught to sense danger You don’t notice red flags when your world is red
I should have known I couldn’t trust a father The father of my spirit has abandoned me I spent years giving stone-faced lies to saints Pretending I was close to Him Passing fictional poetry for testimony Hiding my doubt in empty metaphors Nobody noticed that I was lying on the ground Staring up at the sky in hopes of seeing Of catching a glimpse of my father It’s no surprise that I gave up
I don’t need a father figure Because I can’t look up to anyone Not as long as I’m standing