It only hurts so badly because
the only person I have ever let in
and really let in
that has loved me
and I have loved back with the same fervor

It only kills me so well
better than all the other things I have tried
is because I love him so
and he! He drinks!
and seeks to change me!
To get me to accept that!
I cannot
I know that I am mad for keeping such an ideal,
but I fight for it.
And he wants me to lose.