I want to scream
but my chest constricts
and I cannot breathe because I feel like
I will breathe myself in
and collapse
in on myself
like a dying star but I'm not a star,
I'm a failure
a black hole
and even when I can see the string of snot dripping out of my nose
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
and it slows and stops
and then comes back full force and
I can't stop crying I can't stop crying
******* in breaths
as I hear her in the next room,
clicking and clanging away,
busy in every way she’s supposed to be
and I hear her in my head
even when she isn’t there-
and it’s always always always
how inadequate I am-
while I hide
in my room,
under my best friends,
the bedsheets,
crying and tapping away,
documenting every little thing I never have the confidence to say
to her or to anyone
******* in breaths
a black hole
my mind
bright
but dark
absorbing
every bad thing
she's ever said about me.