My heart swells with the capacity to love every single person I can touch
It throbs with the smiles and laughs,
Aches with the giggles and whispers,
And it swoons with every compliment and hug.
I jump the gun every morning, sending my entire heart to all I can.
I keep to them, responding quickly.
I am a fix, expendable.
I know what it’s like to hurt! To need that smile, that hug, that giggle.
And I know how hard it is to find. So I became what I once needed,
A homing beacon. A sign that tonight, even when I wanna drown myself and end my life for good, these emotions are as temporary as a laugh.
I taught myself to love the masses, even in the face of mental discord between my mind and my depression.
I taught myself to hold a shaking, breaking body together till they mended
Even if I was hanging on by mere threads.
Because I know that I am expendable.
I do this because my heart is big.
So big it cannot hold my self-love inside but instead it can distribute it.
I depend on everyone to hold my love so I am not faced with the opportunity to love myself.
Nothing, not even my own breaking and quaking soul can stop me from building a person.
And at the end of the day, I think that helps me get by in my own catastrophic mess.