Oct 2020
I can’t tell you where this all comes from,
because I already feel like a fraud.
These rivers lead back where
I can’t speak -
can’t speak up -
can’t say...
(that my fear
of being obliterated
is very real -
that sometimes I
would like to be the one
to decide)
And death is many things in us -
it is many things, many ways
And in many ways,
by slowing my spirit,
I have already died -
just to stay alongside
this slow corpse
Now I am seeing everything
for the first time,
for the first time,
for the first time
As though I have seen everything
for thousands of years,
for the first time.
because I already feel like a fraud.
These rivers lead back where
I can’t speak -
can’t speak up -
can’t say...
(that my fear
of being obliterated
is very real -
that sometimes I
would like to be the one
to decide)
And death is many things in us -
it is many things, many ways
And in many ways,
by slowing my spirit,
I have already died -
just to stay alongside
this slow corpse
Now I am seeing everything
for the first time,
for the first time,
for the first time
As though I have seen everything
for thousands of years,
for the first time.
Outside of Hello Poetry, I am an artist. I was diagnosed with an auto-immune condition in my first year of university, and since then all my uni projects stemmed from my experience with rheumatoid arthritis. And I felt I couldn’t tell anybody exactly why my work was the way that it was, because I didn’t think anyone would believe it. This poem is about having to slow down and recalibrate myself to my new physical state.
(27/F/Sydney)
Please log in to view and add comments on poems
