It's the third day of my junior year and I am filled with an unchecked anxiety.
I feel the fire from my brain licking at my hands, so much so that they must fiddle with something.
I thought it had gotten better, but I am so afraid.
All the time.

But don't misunderstand,
I love school, very much.

But I still cannot get over the fear of the worst happening.
Thoughts eating away at my heart, intrusive as ever.  

Your hand holding mine calms me.
However, I cannot keep you with me all day.
Thoughts of you help,
how you called me pretty and how if I can just make it through this period,
I can see you after.

I hate being so dependent on someone,
it is so scary to think that you might change your mind and that you might not want my hand holding yours, but someone else's instead.
I push these fears deep down because I don't want to scare you with how crazy I really am.

When did I become like this?
Where all I can think about is what you would do or say?
I'm afraid, so very afraid.