I thought I knew my name and who I was and who I wanted to be
I thought I was fearless
Then you came
A sweet injustice who became my best friend
You weren’t too bad
I could feel you around me but you hadn’t fully made your way into my skull and into my rib cage and surged my whole body and veins with your poison
But it’s not that bad
I could feel you inflate in my lungs as you grew your spikes and they grew sharper and plunged deeper into my insides. I tried to tell people how I was feeling. How I felt like I was stuck in a deflating balloon but I was never gonna get the satisfaction  of actually running out of air.
All they said is, its probably not that bad
I could feel you make your way from the bottom of my belly to my fingerprints. You would cause them to shake and lose control. My fingerprints were part of you, no longer me
But it’s not that bad
But now I have to question everything I do or you’ll rear your head and tear anything down you think that’s in your way. You make my failures okay with me. I tell myself it’s better than having to deal with you
I sit in the bottom of the shower and let the water run over me because the warmth is the only thing I can feel anymore, not even the stinging on my arms
But I tell myself, it’s not that bad