all i know is noise.
i surround myself with it,
constantly.
sometimes i…
write songs;
listen to music.
leave my games on the title screen for hours
so i’m not left
in silence.
but,
on rare occasion,
it gets to be
too much.

at first, all was well.
i was reminded of mozart’s fugue, (in d, if you must know).
i loved the way everything
built up,
the way it
blended in.
i was transported to the orchestra- my home.

i feel:
content.
happy.
overwhelmed- but only in the best way.
all quickly vanished.

soon, the arms of anxiety began to wrap around me,
suffocating me in its tight embrace.
and don’t say i won’t remember, because
i do.
i remember…
the strawberry puff bar
my first time sneaking out
his car
his voice tone
i remember
everything

i couldn’t begin to tell you why a simple song could bring up such intense emotion,
because i don’t know where i’d start.
perhaps, it was the growing anticipation.
the suspense.
i couldn’t wait for the song to be over,
just like that night.

i stopped breathing, everything paused.
nothing is real
anymore.