Right now I want to cut myself, deep. I'd like to drop lit, wooden kitchen matches onto my willing abdomen and watch my flesh melt away.
Something has to give.
Bind me to an iron cross and flay my skin. Strike my joints with a metal rod until I am completely broken.
This cannot last.
I'd like to grab hold of the flesh under my jaw and rip my ugly face off of my ugly head. I want to pound nails into my knees, chew on thumb tacks, skewer my eyes with toothpicks.
I spent an hour scraping calloused feet and toes when I could have cut them off with a pruner and saved some time.
I'd like to do these things, but I am not a ******* I am no victim. I am no martyr. I am not so deep in The Nothing.