You had this haze
filling up the room.  
I couldn't seem to
trample through the maze
without following your
laughter.
I sat still
and molasses like
as I watched the colors
bounce from floor
to walls
back onto you.

The stiffness
in my smiling cheeks
was a soreness that
helped me enjoy
the realness of those
moments.
The thoughts running
dialogue through
my tethered mind
wanted to pour out
into the reality of then
but they held steady
inside.

Wondering
what if I could just
let loose,
melt enough
to spill on your floor
the ideas of conversation
between us.
I wanted to
loosen control
so...
badly...
to the point that
you would have
a front row seat
to the inner workings
of me.

Always a thinker,
an analyzer,
a day dreamer.

Snapping back into
the now of then
every so often
I was scared.
Scared
to believe that
a situation I have been
embarrassingly replaying
for months in my dreams
had come to
fruition.
Not wrapping my mind
around the truth
in front of me
that I was here
and you were here
and this was.

It's a vulnerable confession
that I had gained
extreme pleasure
in just your company.

In just your single company.

I wish
I could stop
doubting
the perception
you have of me,
but even more so
I wish I could
actually know.
In straight lined
bold words,
I wish I could
read out loud
what it is of me
you see.



*©NDHK