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Sep 2017 · 357
Fair Weather
Nik Krutilla Sep 2017
Having a gentle heart
Is rare in this world.
Being kind and accepting is an art form that takes daily practice.
To be a good person is important.
But as it's said...

"Beware the company you keep"

Sometimes you think you are a positive influence.
Helping people to be the best version of themselves.
Supporting and uplifting them because it's what comes natural.

But in the same vein,
You also notice a declining faith in yourself.
A muddled discernment in where you've put your confidence.
A feeling that this is a siphon connection.

That's when you realize you are not keeping company anymore.
You are tolerating them.
And they are bleeding you dry.

Aug 2017 · 187
July Garden
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
There was a time I know
Not many years before,
I sat with heart in hand
On your living room floor.

Your eyes held invitation
Wanting me to understand
Your good, bad and ugly
And see you as a man.

Memories and glimpses,
Visions and dreams.
Roll themselves together
To make sense of everything.

Now when I think of love
Something real and true,
It's for a boy with eyes
A little green and a little blue.

Aug 2017 · 182
Summer Cool
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
Thinking of you
Is the air conditioning
To my soul
In the sweltering heat
Of my life.

It's all
Strawberry wine,
Warm July nights
And slow, slow dancing.

Aug 2017 · 169
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
When he looks at me
It burns me
Like the midday sun
In late July
Reflecting off lake water.  

I'm surrounded
And I can't get away.
Even if I did
I would still feel his heat.

Aug 2017 · 164
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
Ocean waters were never so blue,
Until I lost the sight of you.
The green that sprouts around my heart,
Taste of spearmint; cool and ****.
The subtext speaks volumes,
That which the voice cannot confirm.
That is why poetry is bittersweet release
For the soul that yearns.

Aug 2017 · 153
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
If we were sea creatures
In a restaurant tank.
You would be the one
I'd save from the dinner menu.

Because you're my lobster.

Aug 2017 · 134
Red Rhymes
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
Don't give me roses.
Don't give me rings.
I am not simple and those are just things.

If you do love me,
If it is true,
Then here are the means I would like from you.

Paint me canvas,
Sing me a song,
Write me a letter with words that are strong.

Show me your funny,
Show me your shy,
Share all the dreams you have in your mind.

Hold me when I'm sad,
Hold me when I'm happy,
Hold me either way because I'm a little bit sappy.

Pieces of your heart,
Parts of your mind,
I want to learn you bits at a time.

What I'm trying to convey,
What I hope that you got,
It's you that I love so it's only you that I want.

Aug 2017 · 114
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
To be a person
Who boasts
Of your own accomplishments,
Is to be
Someone who is living
For others attention.
To be a person
Who others
Bring attention to
Your accomplishments,
Is to be
Someone who lives for themself.

Aug 2017 · 140
Nautical Niche
Nik Krutilla Aug 2017
If this feeling is rope
And we are the knot,
I don't want to know, where I start and you stop.

Tied to an anchor
Tied to a dock,
Or hung on a wall for a ticking clock.

I know who's before me,
I know who's behind,
I know He made your hand to fit with mine.

If we are beaten by storms
Or steady still like rocks,
He shows us together what is
By growing from what's not.

Some call it a blessing,
Some call it the worst.
I just call it love, and give thanks to Him first.

Dec 2016 · 312
Like Snowflakes
Nik Krutilla Dec 2016
I see something true.
You kissed the girls and made them cry.
It was a nightmare before Christmas with blind intentions, of kith and kin.
Please, we both pray, let your mercy fall on me with snapshots of our brothers and sisters.

That this might have been instead of soon to be, is our fear.
If we ever meet again we shall be shown truth.
You're not sorry, and you shouldn't be.
You have become you because of it and we do have one more chance.
It's your footprints in the snow that will be exposed.
We'll understand that it must have been Love pushing and pulling us to each other.

The one that never was ,like a book, one was fiction because we always were.
There is no fault.
It's just the consequence of miracles in our lives making it seem complicated.
We are ready now and say bring on the wonder, we're both up to speed.
The desire and hope to be loved.

I have filtered everything that's ever been in life and come to the conclusion that all there is only God and Love...
And then there's you.

Sep 2016 · 741
Love Needs No Permission
Nik Krutilla Sep 2016
If we were only
Made of hearts
Seen by the way we beat and sway,

I fear that I will be found out,
The moment
That you
Look my way.
I have known
A heart or two
Who have tried to move in sync,

But rhythms never measured up,
And still
My heart
Would seek.
If we were only
Made of hearts
Searching for a love sublime,

I can't deny mine starts and stops,
And falls
With yours
In time.
If you never
Get the chance
To see my light that shines,

A sunrise hue my heart's adorned
With yours
So very
Close to mine.
But we're not only made of hearts,
So this truth
I'll proudly say.

Eternal rhythm
May flow
Through you,

But it's me
That's been
Swept away...

~ *©NDHK
May 2016 · 191
Rain Showers
Nik Krutilla May 2016
I haven't seen you since March.

It's now May.

And I miss you.*

Feb 2016 · 226
Passion Rouge
Nik Krutilla Feb 2016
Ocean waters were never so blue,
Until I lost the sight of you.
The green that sprouts around my heart,
Taste of spearmint; cool and ****.
The subtext speaks volumes,
That which the voice cannot confirm.
That is why poetry is release for the soul that yearns.

Dec 2015 · 441
Nik Krutilla Dec 2015
Some people are so dehydrated.
They crave codependency to fulfill them.
Be thankful you can stand on your own two feet unaided.

Know if you grow wings in time,
You'll have a stable place to fly from.
I don't know how to explain to others. It's incredible,
To never be wavered.

Jan 2015 · 715
To Stranger, From Woman
Nik Krutilla Jan 2015

It's not exceptional nor is it extraordinary.
It just is...
A brief journey through a half life.
She was given home to be born into that was furnished with doubt and anticipation.
A surpirse gift.
She had parents who loved her and raised her.
An adventurous and curious child.
She made way into the territory of her youth that was sometimes dangerous and sometimes timid.
That didn't stop her from exploring and wondering.
Pushing bounderies of her own mind and the surrounding world.
She climbed the highest tree just to fall effortlessly onto the ground waiting for her.
What could of been an instant end resulted in a hospital visit.
Left to her was a concusion and a willfulness to conquer fear from then on.
She was learning but not alone.

Forward some years and the little girl becoming a woman.
Being of compassion and loyalty she was a good friend.
Maybe sometimes too good.
An irrational chain of events one night out of thousands more to come would test that girl.
A time where her will and mind had been altered irrevocably.
An innocence stolen.
Still she trudged ahead for there was still life to be lived.
Even though at times, she questioned if her's was worth it.
She was a fighter at the core.
Cause and effect may be taken into account at this point.
Things had changed for those around her as well.
Here she was unceremoniously given the duty of caring mother-like for a child sibling.
Thrusting through an abandonment of the other half of a two pillar support.
Naturally and with some rebellion she mustered up the task and did what she felt she had to.
It was not expected but necessary.
She was learning but not alone.

As time moved on she moved with it.
Experiencing love for the first time she lept into it with ferocious dedication.
Trying to use the knowledge she had witnessed and apply it to the grown up world.
In this endeavor, a garden to be planted where a flowerbed had stopped blooming.
From it a seed of life becoming and unbecoming before it's time.
A warning of maturity perhaps.
Then later a gift of responibility to come to fruition.
A living, breathing love.
Not without it's concequences though.
With this joy also came trepidation.
A new seed growing but with possibility of delays or death.
A birth defect, chromosome abnormality the doctors warned.
A lifetime of disability or a short lifetime resulting in eternal rest.
The girl knew that no matter what came about she would want to bring this life into the world.
It deserved a chance.
So with that a baby came immense joy.
And to this day no negative physical affects.
The gift she will be forever greatful for.
She was learning but not alone.

Years pass and memories are still being made.
People have been lost but not forgotten.
Now a woman, she masters her life with hopeful hands.
Her health was always a loose branch in the wind it seemed.
Sickness came in the form of kidney infection and dying organs.
Car accidents and permanent aches.
Feminine ****** duties being taken away.
Genetic self sabotage.
Mental illness and straining to swim above.
She was learning but not alone.

It was a long difficult road in a short expanse of time.
Her life that she was constantly improving and trying to understand.
Now brings us to the point of a recent harrowing situation...

It's Christmas time last year and the snow is fickle.
Family is spread out and travel is a must for her little one to connect with everyone.
So she gets into her car to journey across the counties.
It's uneventful outside.
Work and bills and hobbies are what consume her daily life now.
But she is always focused on being a good mother.
So that's the reason for the ride, not the excuse.
Cruizing the same highway she's been down hundreds of times already,
She thinks nothing of it.
It's just what she has to do.
Traffic is sparse but other vehicles out now are semi trucks and hastily driving holiday commuters.
The radio is on and the child is in the back seat commenting on the passing scenery.
She is patiently answering questions and focusing on the road.
Up ahead of her some hundred feet on the snowless stretch she sees a car wiggle a bit.
Tightening her hands on the wheel she just knows this isn't right.
She can't move over to her left.
She slows down under the speed limit just in case.
But it's inevitable.
She's going over that samw spot in a few seconds.
Now as she does, her body suddenly kicks into instinctual safety mode.
The car doesn't wiggle.
It starts to fish-tail.

Splotchy recollection takes over here.
From that exact moment, it could of been only a few minutes but it felt limitless.
As the car started to take a life of it's own she heard the voice of her daughter in the background.
A mantra of 'It's okay, we're okay" flooded out of her mouth automatically.
She tried to right the car but her hands could have been invisible at this point.
Half rotations from left to right eventually lead to doing a 180 degree motion.
Stopping the swivel just before the car impacted the dividing medium on the highway.
At unaided 55 miles an hour she was now looking into the windsheild of another car in the other lane.
The momentum pushing the slippery cage of metal backwards now.
She was a dichotomous fog of confusion and awareness.
Only lasting a few more seconds the car wipped it's way back East.
Sliding back into the lane it was originally in, it kept going.
She now could see the edge of the ravine getting closer.
Where the highway ended and darkness started.
A 20 foot drop if you fell sideways.
Scared chatter from the backseat.
Radio on.
And then suddenly nothing.
Like catching a glass from falling off the table the vehicle just stopped.
Everything turned off.
It was over.
Just sitting alone on the road.
No horns were honked and no one was hurt.
Her breathing was the loudest thing to be heard.
After looking back quickly to make sure her little girl was alright,
she closed her eyes for the first time since this all began.
That's when she felt it.
Something she has felt before but only faintly throughout her life.
When things were wonderful and when they spiriled down.
When she had felt great happiness and overcoming sorrow.
It was an electricity that bloomed in her belly and down her back simultaneously.
It grounded.
It soothed.
It overtook.
She was learning but not alone.


You could say it was a fluke or maybe luck.
For me it was something better, bigger.
As I continue on my life's path wherever it leads me, I just know.
I know that things happen for unknown reasons and we want to make sense of them.
Sometimes we can't.
All I can say is that by suffering through the pain and bad, we value and appreciate the good.
People have terrible situiations to live through but they live through them.
We find the meaning to our lives sometimes in mysterious ways.
Sometimes you have to attribute things to faith, undoubtedly.
And when it's not your time...
It's not your time.
I still survive.
What's your explanation of my story?
Something I haven't already thought of maybe?
When you can find another reason for it, let me know.
Until then I dare you...

Tell ME that GOD doesn't exist.

Dec 2014 · 308
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
You want someone who will brave a stormy sea for you?
We forget, we're likely to run into a rainstorm on land first.
Having someone there who'll jump puddles with you.
The little things growing into big things.
Not everyone can be a skilled sailor but anyone can hold an umbrella.

Dec 2014 · 430
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Do I miss you too hard?
Do I speak to you too softy?
I'm not sure what the proper way to respond to this is...
I've seemed to have lost volume control when I think about you.
These interactions become so heavy.
Where these memories of you are so fleeting, like whispers in an open space.

Dec 2014 · 1.4k
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Maybe we have been approaching LOVE backwards.
That what we want is really to be LIKED.
When I enter a relationship with someone
I still want to be able to say I like them.
Like who they are as a whole.
One year from now, ten years from now.
We lead with LOVE in everything we do in life.
It's what we already do but sometimes don't realize.
Putting yourself in someone elses shoes,
It's practicing empathy eveytime you do it.
Showing respect and acceptance for fellow humans.
We are loving beings incarnate.
Now, LIKING a person is something special.
It's a choice to be active in your own life.
Having a chance to build that trust with them.
You can LOVE someone without liking them.
Family, old friends, ex partners.
I think it's when you mix the LOVE and the LIKE,
That's worth something to hold onto.
At least that's what makes sense to me.
Projecting LOVE is effortless and selfless.
Giving it away without reciprocation.
To LIKE a person, I think that's what we're wanting.
That's where you would like something back.
To know the unique You is what's being appreciated.
That's when you require balance.
To know you're LOVED is a wonderful feeling.
At the end of the day though,
I think knowing that person just plain LIKES you...
Is pretty sweet.

Dec 2014 · 316
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
What I wouldn't give for my dream of the beach,
Instead of existing in the tide...

Dec 2014 · 230
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Thoughts and feelings
Like midnight waves at your back.
You can't tell if they're receding from you
Or about to swallow you up.

Dec 2014 · 257
Future's Past
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Sometimes it'd be nice to overlap time.
Have a chance for people you love
To me each other in the same life.
Maybe paths do cross somewhere along those journeys.
That's what I hold faith in.

Dec 2014 · 474
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Today is the birth day of a woman...
Who continued on her journey.
It's been 8 years since she's gone.

But I can still remember the sound of her laugh
And the smell of her hugs.
I live with her in my daughters' name
And see her hands in my own.

I hope she's proud of who she always knew I could be...
I wish i could tell her in person thank you...
For being a part of me.

I love you Gma and happy birthday.....

Dec 2014 · 323
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
While I've prepared for this day,
I find I am not an island.
I too, need strength,
In the form of loving support
From friends and family to help me stay strong.
So thank you...
To family for being there.
To my friends for being there.
I do see the people around me,
Who've given me that awareness
That I'm not alone in this,
In life.
I thank you immensely and
I deeply love each one of you for it.

Dec 2014 · 580
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
When you feel yourself trying to stand out,
Stand back.
Let the breeze rise up to meet you.
Don't go rushing to make wind.
People tend to measure inside themselves,
The amounts of perfect that don't exist.
You are the right amount of enough.
For the one who loves you.
You...are their second look.
You...are their "just five more minutes".
You...are worthy of their appreciation on an everyday scale.
You are it.

Dec 2014 · 291
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
When you've got no where to go.
When you've got no one there.
Make some music from your heart.
And let your soul out bare.

Dec 2014 · 171
Multi Gift
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Sometimes we forget that when we receive love...
It doesn't always come in the package we're expecting.
Love doesn't have just one kind of face.

Dec 2014 · 236
Clean Out
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
Sitting around and doing nothing is so exhausting sometimes.
Lacking inspiration to feel like you're actually "living" life.
Never enough, never enough.
That's what your mind tells you.
You run in circles, same thing every day.
It's often frustrating to feel like a impending explosion inside.
Just wanting to get out of this chapter and move to the next.
Is this the bad part of being alone?

Dec 2014 · 396
Middle Of The Night
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
The train whistle blares away 2 am...
And with it leftover pieces of meaning.
Eyes still half closed with ethereal haze...
Shadows slink back and forth on the ceiling.
The fan swirls, soothing like cicada rhythm...
Sleepy head tucked where the covers are meeting.
Desperately trying to get back to that lucid place...
Where it was you who I was seeing.
A terribly caged thing my fervent heart is...
When enticed from just an inkling.
Set me free and let it kindle us both here...
Waking tangled would be greater than dreaming.

Dec 2014 · 286
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
They say real eyes
Real lies,
So when you're hypnotized
While you socialize,
It's time to decide
Should you anesthetize
Or recognize
The time
To cut ties?

Dec 2014 · 323
The Invisible Word
Nik Krutilla Dec 2014
It's such a taboo word.

When taken at the hand of serious passing.
The fear invoking accountability of it.
For those who live with it,
It means you will have a partner in life
You want to get lost from.
The invisible presence of the mind.
A constant follower no one else can conquer for you.

And they will try.
Those who care for you.

They try,
They will ask of and advise and encourage.
Through muffled ears held by depressions contempt ridden hands,
You might be lucky to catch a word or two.
The faint taste of truth you want to believe in, but can't convince yourself of.
Not every time at least.

Peace holding it's arms open wide for you to fall into,
While you yearn behind a self created glass case.
Not knowing how to step out.
And when you find a key that fits...another lock appears.
A cycle of almosts.

But you don't give in easily.
You learn your enemy, to one day defeat it.
You struggle and overcome and fall back and GET BACK UP AGAIN.
You always get back up.
It becomes a dance no rhythm could match.
A two step with four feet.
Struggle becomes a mission for you.
You are rebuilding and revising and trying, trying, trying.

Perfect happiness is an ill advised illusion.
But content is real.
A tangible plateau you can see the rest of your life from.
Where foods taste sweet and spicy and you can smell the flowers you stop for.
Music vibrates your bones and sunsets never being so vivid.
Being nurished by your loves adoration.
Feeling your childs heartbeat against your chest.

When depression slips in when you're not looking.
Sets up shop behind your back.
Take time turning around to face it.

Some who suffer this wonder if there is any purpose for them.
In this burdened life.
Those who feel alone among loved ones.
I'd like to think, if they can't focus on anything outside,
Maybe the challenge within IT.
Learning and growing from this sequestered state.
To better help others who may be in various stages.

And isn't that something...
To fight for your God given life?

Nov 2014 · 203
Nik Krutilla Nov 2014
It is made second with the hands,
But it is born first in soul.

Just because you are single,
Not yet sharing a home.
Doesn't mean you are available.
Doesn't mean you are alone.

Because your hand doesn't hold
Another's in the day.
Doesn't mean your heart isn't
Full in the night.

Growth happens without someone.
Growth happens with someone.
Love is there all the time.

I know how my heart loves.
Who my heart leans toward.
God knows my truth
And that's enough.

Nik Krutilla Oct 2014
Sometimes we feel like we have no idea where we're going.
We question ourselves but can't give the answers.
I think perhaps life cycles around.
In all things.
Whether it's lifestyle or hobbies or love.
Reminders to us of where we were and how we felt while we were there.
Rare times it's to let us know there is some unfinished business we should take hold of.
Gain that inspiration back for things we've neglected.
Things that are a part of our creative being.
Most of the time though,
Those reappearing tokens come to give us closure.
To make us aware when we've seemed to get lost off our paths.
We all get so caught up in small fragments of the here and now.
We forget to breathe and take in the big picture landscape we've created.
We feel lost.
Then something or someone comes back into our view.
But it's never the same as it was when we first endeavored there.
There's a reason for that.
As elusive as the message can be,
We believe we're to pick up where we left off.
It's unsettling and thrilling and we jump head first.
If only we realized we can't hold ghosts.
These things come as only subconscious reminders.
Sometimes we need a push open our eyes to our own selves.
We spend time figuring out how to add these things back into our lives.
The thing is though they were already there.
They never left.
That is the point though.
Every experience stays with us in varying degrees of effect.
We are molded by them and define ourselves in pieces.
We forget while we collect parts of us we always stay whole.
So those come agains are a way to help us recognise that.
We aren't meant to travel down that road again.
We don't need to delve into that routine again.
We need to see that we have grown from all of it.
Every step in that staircase leads to the house of you.
Without those conjoining moments we would be stuck still.
It's all in the process of becoming.
See who you are now and be grateful.
When life cycles back and brings you living memories remember
They are just memories, never duplicated.
They are the starting places of what allowed you to grow.
Keep climbing.
It's easy to want to fall back.
But like a tide shifting you'll only land on sand and miss the natural current.
So only look back to gauge how far you've come.
And keep moving.

Sep 2014 · 234
Sunday Soup
Nik Krutilla Sep 2014
Some nights I stay up counting my good deeds.
Wishing they would amount to something other than totals.
Maybe good deeds can.
Maybe good intentions will.
The meaning of a wish.
The want of a dream.
All we are, is not what we're content with.
Always hoping.
Hoping for something else.
Something more.

Does not knowing what we don't have, make a difference in what we want?
How can you miss something you never had in the first place?
How do you know that feeling really exists?
Or maybe...
You just hope it does.
Being full and satisfied with life right now.
Maybe that's enough until something comes around and shows you more.
Of what you could have.
Of what can add to your right now happiness.

And what if we know exactly what is missing.
Of what we did have but no longer do.
Of what was so temporary...
We didn't realize it's importance until it was no more.
How can we know a moment is
'The Moment' when we are in it?
Doesn't seem fair.
To believe we should hold on tightly to every now.
Then when it passes, it's a memory.
No time to catch up.
Like being asked to answer a question you hadn't heard.
How do we know that's it's all supposed to matter?


Especially when it's over.

Aug 2014 · 738
Chandelier Light
Nik Krutilla Aug 2014
You attract...
Silly little girl giggles with admiration and the "oh you're so funnies".
I can't be a silly whip of half meaning amusement.
I'm not that girl.
I can't be...

You don't want admiration.
No, you do want it but you don't need it.
You need someone who will look at you when she laughs and means it.
You need someone who's going to sit down across from you on some chaotic night,
A night where nothing about the day made sense
And you're still swirling in a fog of your own perspective.
That's when you'll need this woman.

A conversation that clambers up slow,
Like steadying yourself after a carnival ride.
You'll trigger a vulnerable ***** by a wayward comment.
That's when it will happen.
Blindsided be ruthless honesty.
A sharp cut through the bravado *******...

She'll take that loop and jump in head first,
Feet landing solid on your insecurities.
One by one all of the hidden thoughts about yourself will come to life.
Every one of your self loathing fears and regretted actions.
All the ever present flaws you hold in your hands will be taken and laid out...

One uncomfortable, excruciating reminder at a time.
Every quirk you hate,
Every past stumble into a wall,
Every stitch in the side of your pride will be brought to light.

Presented back to you through new eyes.
Picking and dissecting and analyzing,
Whatever it was or is,
That makes the ground you walk upon gravel filled.
All your shame and remorse could be embellished;
Projector like against the writing on the walls.
Things you wish to hide or fix would be emblazoned like a gaudy pin on your shirt.

Your inner mind dwellings, torn down to petty pieces at your feet.
All of this would be blown back into the mask you try to wear that's a size to big.
Once the pulling and scrapping of every bit of shadow feelings and impressions you have been harboring deep inside are collected...
Covering the table,
Strewn in no particular order.

This woman will pick it all up in a sweeping display.
Fluttering around in waves of bouncy escape.
She'll gather every last part and fold her hands.
Then slide them into her pockets that have remained unfilled on purpose.
That's where, the last however many hours, will stay.
Budded up tight and inside somewhere safe for you .

You'll look at the empty table.
Maybe with uplifted eyes.
You'll look back at the cause of this character dismembering.
And see that her eyes have never wavered.

I hope when you get that moment...
That moment that you can just sense is a profound thing.
I hope you feel real acceptance,
Real faith,
Real love.

Jul 2014 · 638
Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
Beautiful, lighted creature.
How could any,
Anyone with a heart beating of their own...
Not see the encompassing brilliance of you soul.
Fervent heart.
Fragile being.

Who would ever want to toss you away?

Jul 2014 · 628
Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
I am not a prim and proper wedding cake topper.
Nor am I the quick-time drop her, ***** girl offer.
Varied between.

My mind, blind to the shallows of relationship seas.
My feelings run deep like haunting melodies.
Honestly offered.

Complex in my simplicities and transparently guarded.
Running lava-hot inside these walls hard hearted.
Softly contained.

But like a second read to a book that has been skimmed through before.
Welcoming now a chance for someone to want to explore.

Jul 2014 · 285
Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
I wonder,
If I licked the sticky parts
Of the candy label
Would it absorb on my tongue?
Fill me with colorful nuances
And flavorful personality
People would enjoy

Jul 2014 · 559
Fall In The Summer
Nik Krutilla Jul 2014
I can only remember this part...

Maybe a lucid dream hope I've gone to bed with every night.
Perhaps a sleeping memory.

Running your fingers a hairs breadth away from my skin.

Traveling carefully...
From my forehead down to my tinted cheek,
Moving the curls that had been in the way as we talked.

You gently pulled back your hand,
As if, not to offend me by its retreat to your pocket.

You murmured an apology to yourself and I could only muster half a laugh...

Partly because of the endearing gesture,
Also... the surprise of your touch.

You spoke up louder after a second, all the while staring at me with a misplaced bewilderment in your eyes.

"That's what scares me about you" is what finally materialized through the cold fogged breathes our impromptu conversation inspired.


I didn't know if you meant the idea of it,
Or the realization of the fall.

Apr 2014 · 311
No Flowers For Free
Nik Krutilla Apr 2014
I catch glimpses of you.
As a pebble on the ground.
Where the breeze pushes you to the side.
When the rains stretch you down.

I catch glimpses of you.
Always looking toward the trees.
I never see your face though.
Dancing wild for the bees.

But I am only a pebble on the ground.
You are more like the trees.
I only catch glimpses of you.
But I'm in love with the parts I see.

Mar 2014 · 926
Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
We focus so hard
To balance our minds
We also need to remember
To balance our hearts.
Not too open but never too closed.

Mar 2014 · 316
Ashes Came From Somewhere
Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
When the intense fire
That sparks around inside
Can stir our spirit
To ignite everything it touches...
We call that passion.
When another flame
Can dance in step,
Fueling us
And expanding our heat...
We call that love.

Mar 2014 · 314
Murky Breathing
Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
Grace will be
The calming refuge
That follows deep below
The torrential journey.
Keep the sun in your face
And your faith
In the air.

Mar 2014 · 218
We're All Puzzles
Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
When you get pieces of a person and put them together,
Do you paint a new picture of them for yourself?
Or do you choose to love them for what those pieces make up?
Believe people are mosaic and meant to be appreciated,
For the parts that make them whole.
Light and Dark.

Mar 2014 · 309
One More Time
Nik Krutilla Mar 2014
I have struggled alone on many roads under the umbrella of circumstance.
I have kept my laces tied and forged along my path.
While storms of devastation have tried to knock me down.
I have seen not the clouds of suffering but the rays beyond, that will guide me out.
As my journey still continues to test my faith, strength and will.
Through the paradigm of my own making, I will build a world of silk.

Sep 2013 · 293
Nik Krutilla Sep 2013
Giving up is easier right now
Than trying to hold on.
Sad thing though I knew,
You weren't mine all along.
Maybe in time we'll be distant.
Won't think about it anymore
Sad thing though I'll wish,
My hand is what you longed for.

Sep 2013 · 662
Ramble Me To Sleep
Nik Krutilla Sep 2013
It's so late again.
That time where thoughts won't lie still.
I won't ask you to tell me.
I'm not sure I'd even know the answer myself.
I think though, that I've waited long enough.
For myself.
Being a spontaneous person that's an achievement.
But I like to think it's worth it.
The waiting.
The patience.
Not sure if it's a lesson yet learned.
But the reason why.
That's what haunts me.
I'd just like to know.
I can't ask you though.
I'm not sure you could answer if you tried.
Maybe it wouldn't be fair to you.
But what's fair to me?
Keeping distance because you don't want inflict pain.
Or fear maybe.
Pretending was never a skill I excelled with.
I think I'd just like to start on the first page is all.
Take that step forward into new.
Am I asking too much?
I promise you what I have to give would be so much more.
Or should I give up?
Let be and walk away.
Take a chance that you'd come find me when you're ready.
I'm just stuck here.
Stuck with thoughts.
Like thoughts of what could be.
But what do I know?
It's not as if I'd ask you.
Cause it's my heart you could break.

Sep 2013 · 316
Nik Krutilla Sep 2013
Maybe the intensity is too much to handle.
It's simple though.
Although for someone who lives with heavy all the time it seems simple.
Between two points is a line.
No matter how far in life you've lived it's always simple.
Just a person with a possibility
Wanting someone to think they're possible too.

Sep 2013 · 458
Nik Krutilla Sep 2013
Sometimes, just sometimes
I want to bash my head against the wall
To knock me out of this loop.
Where the hell did it come from and
Why is it digging itself inside.
My heart's already done for.
In my head it's all disguised.
So all that's left to seep out are these
Conflicting words of lust, like, love.
From hands that know too much but not enough.

Sep 2013 · 504
That's The Way I Feel
Nik Krutilla Sep 2013
There's no shame here in what is.
Some people don't need logical explanations.
Some people are too inherently abstract to exist any other way.
So there in lies the beauty.
I see the puzzle not the picture.
I'm drawn to words not spoken.
I'm fascinated by the stillness not the motion.
I feel what I feel.
Intuition is a punishing pleasure.
Some people you just see.
Not with eyes of judgement but
With that familiar gaze of "me too".
Your gut and spine tingle with a backward reaction that you been there before.  
But you're only here now.
Mirror, mirror when you see that face.
You say what I think and I feel what you hide.
If you could turn inside out for just a moment,
it would be the greatest treasure to keep.
Shelve it,
so I could come home to it every night.
Giving it whole heartedly because you just know they are worthy of it.
Even if they think not.
A blessing not a burden.
So wrapped in fear but you're already vulnerable.
Maybe I'd rather not be the quick burn that's paper cup discarded.
Maybe I'd want to be the dug for deep china delicately held onto.

Aug 2013 · 839
A Drop In The Ocean
Nik Krutilla Aug 2013
Some people
just don't have the strength
to realize that those wounded parts
inside you are also
what contribute to who you are.
Like a mossaic
we are all made of tiny pieces
of unique traits that make us.
For some of us
it would be wonderful to just truly be okay
and not struggle with depression of some sort.
But that struggle
is what helps us see hidden beauty
in those moments of serenity
that most would bypass.
It helps us to be grateful
of good days and
sparse moments of a calm mind
that are taken for granted.
The dark inside us
also let's us shine the brightest when we can.
If someone is unable to cope
with all the sensitive parts of you,
light and dark,
it's their loss out of knowing someone amazing.
Every bit of you is worth acceptance.

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