I sat in the van with no idea of what to do Which wasn't unusual But what was unusual, was the aching feeling of eyes peeling away my skin from the distance The etched-out image of a human dancing in my peripherals only made things worse I tried thinking thoughts of pleasant days But the night sky seeped into my thoughts by crawling through my eyes and infecting my mind
The sun cracked and tore away pieces of its shell To illuminate the land with its soft kindness Rather than beat it down with harsh and unforgiving, life bringing daylight. I felt at peace but precariously Like I should rest, but the absolute second I close my eyes Snarling jaws would appear around my throat The silent and beautifully peaceful night would shriek with sounds of gunshots And by morning I'd be left a pile of bones and stripped flesh
Those thoughts began to fester Inside I felt cornered and unable to give my mind peace Outside, prey to predator waiting on the chopping block to be torn apart Like a present under the tree
So as I sat, first in silence, then to the gentle heartbeat of music I debated guitar Too jittery I pondered calls People despise late night nonsense
The air grew thick with tension, doubt, paranoia, disgust, acceptance and love as I realized the only way to pass this time The only way I could end my daily date with the moon and stars And return to the solitude of my peace Was to sing to the universe itself Until my song ended Whether or not that was my choice. Now I typically want that choice more than anything else But something was wrong this time
So I sat and spoke to the moon Or maybe to the stars Or to God Or to Myself Or to no one at all And yanno what?
Whoever, Whatever I spoke to in this time where I was vulnerable only to myself Told me something I'd never forget: