i couldn't kiss her back
because i wanted it to be you
and it wasn't.
and it felt wrong.
it felt like cheating
even though it'd been 2 months
and you were in love with someone else.
i felt stupid.
i feel stupid.
you're feeling the inside of someone else's *****
and i'm here feeling stupid
because i can't kiss her back
because it's not you.
it isn't you
i said you're it for me
and i meant it
but it isn't you.
you changed it.
you ruined it.
i never thought about it that way.
us, as something you could ruin.
i thought:
i love you enough
for the both of us.
i thought:
i want this to work enough
for the both of us.
i never thought:
i can only bring us halfway there
and you can bring us all the way back.
i never thought:
i can only do so much to build
what you want to break.
i never thought of myself as
something you want to break.
but you did.
i wish i could hate you for it.
it'd make everything so much easier.
i'd kiss her back out of spite.
out of passion. out of moving on.
but i don't.
she kisses me and i pull back
and i laugh so that i don't cry
and i lean my head against the car seat
and i think god
i miss you so much.
and you don't think of me
at all.