find myself screaming into the void
a time of calamity and peril
others say i am so blessed
but i say it's just a matter of time

body so stressed
my spine is taut
shoulders so stiff
their edges so thin
it would cut into your presumptions

you don't know my story how dare
you know how i fare

my breaths are staggered drawn out
suffering im stretched always at a
point of tension. someone just snap
and get me out of this my heart hurts
from mediocrity i am going out there
chasing after a world out of ferocity

i know what it is to burn the edges
of my hands and my fingers and i just
just wanted some time to pay attention
to the quell of my heart my blood stream
weakening to the slow death march of my
genes and i wish you

i wish you would take a second and stop
and this world would just let me figure
it out. i want to figure it all out just
please please can you give me a minute?
my heart has not yet caught up, still
hurting from the blows you had dealt
a minute before

please give me time i beg, i am just a
little slow, walking through sludge
living through silence, enacting some
pantomime of desolation a modern dystopia
i smile in the sun for a beat between the
shadows of two buildings

give me a second and a minute, i truly
want to care but my heart and breaths
feel choked up. i just want to perform
better and do more for you. i want to be
more you know. wish i could be brave and
say it out loud.

you know what i say to myself and the walls
the hum of my fridge as it taunts me with
my anxiety-- my fear is not something you
paid for. you did not pay the high price
of defeating me into a ******* corner
ya you risk me and my life.
ya you risk my career and my dreams.
ya you risk everything i love about my life.
ya ya you do.

so come for me *******. come at me world economy.
bring my life crashing down if you must.

i will face you and everyone and everything.

my voice might be small, i might be trembling.
i am definitely crying. if anything happens,
there will be no one left, and no one will be
able to help, but there are wide oceans and rivers,
wider paths, and wilder roads. who knows what
will happen next? life is for the living.

life is for the living.

at least, i will be living.