Jul 2023
(I'm Fine)
Another suicide note.
10:59am fri 20 March 2020.
I write.
I do not like to live life.
I do not like to wake up and start another day
I waste my time on the internet and don’t have any aspirations.
I used to do art and I was enjoying getting good at it.
Then I met a boy and thought my life had to change to just being a girlfriend wasting time and forgetting who I was finally learning who I was.
Because I never had that feeling as a kid
I didn’t like sports, people and mostly everything.
I just like to be lost in my world, away from the dramas at home, and exploring nature, playing games.
Now as an adult I have a son who turns 1 in April.
I’m sad I won’t see his birthday.
But I didn’t have the true intention that I should be a mum and I never knew I would feel this depressed.
Yes I’ve tried to get help but how are you meant to get help for a debilitating mental illness ? You would need the help to come to you but then you would have overcome your stubbornness to actually CALL for help. And by then you would be safe. But this is not the case for me.
I have decided I don’t want help
I have decided I genuinely give up and am too weak.
I care that " " has loving people in his life and is ok,
I care the same for " "
Another suicide note.
10:59am fri 20 March 2020.
I write.
I do not like to live life.
I do not like to wake up and start another day
I waste my time on the internet and don’t have any aspirations.
I used to do art and I was enjoying getting good at it.
Then I met a boy and thought my life had to change to just being a girlfriend wasting time and forgetting who I was finally learning who I was.
Because I never had that feeling as a kid
I didn’t like sports, people and mostly everything.
I just like to be lost in my world, away from the dramas at home, and exploring nature, playing games.
Now as an adult I have a son who turns 1 in April.
I’m sad I won’t see his birthday.
But I didn’t have the true intention that I should be a mum and I never knew I would feel this depressed.
Yes I’ve tried to get help but how are you meant to get help for a debilitating mental illness ? You would need the help to come to you but then you would have overcome your stubbornness to actually CALL for help. And by then you would be safe. But this is not the case for me.
I have decided I don’t want help
I have decided I genuinely give up and am too weak.
I care that " " has loving people in his life and is ok,
I care the same for " "
I am in the process of making drafts public because I thought why not, Also haven't written anything in a while and that might change at some point. Maybe someone can relate to this and it will help them, I wouldn't want this to worsen anyone's depression so take it lightly I suppose and from a perspective of someone you don't know and whom doesn't know you.
