i wasn't lying
the weeping and wailing started weeks ago
what i didn't predict was the writhing
literal kicks of frustration
i've never been more serious
more foolish
             more desperate
              more liquid

what have you unleashed, you madman?
clearly, it's all your fault for starting this
nudging me right out
of ******* rotation with the sun

i didn't know this other **** was out here!
it's dark...and deep...and consuming
and i want to
f
  a
    l
      l
you come and
obliterate
useless, dead cells from my brain
you return
and
electrify
stealing my oxygen
warping my perception
leaving me breathless
and high as a ******* kite
and again you come
prowling like a lion
growling
biting
dominating
sweet mother of god
and again
and again

you *******!
leaving me with these memories...
most others i let escape
but these...
i have posted guards
i have reinforced with steel
and song
and repetition
these WILL stay

i'm sure i was but a fly
buzzing around
i can see you swatting
irritated
already forgotten

well, my friend
that was not nice...
to knock me out of rotation
pull me into new space
then pick me up
and firmly plant me back
into the boring old stupid rotation
like nothing ever happened

because of you
i have to forcibly regulate my heartbeat
multiple times a day
these words, for christ's sake
they will not stop
the moment i let them go
i feel others loosely forming
i see glimpses
but there is no respite from this madness

why have you cast a spell on me?
for the love of the light, why do you move like you do?
you know **** well nothing else will suffice
you unleashed a wildness
that will not be contained

i guess i better just
batten down the hatches
with my pen and paper

it's gonna be a long night.