i have stopped bringing roses to the grave of the girl i used to be
i burnt the clothes i was taken in.
this takes up so much space inside of me
and this air is the only place i can let this trauma live outside of my body
i am now afraid to wear my recovery too publicly
because it was the only witness
i didn’t want to write a statement or file a report
i just wanted to take a shower

i just wanted to take a shower
soon after my applause of ‘victory’ my voice was hushed
i have noticed people stopped calling me victim and only started calling me survivor
when i stopped talking about it
i was questioned over and over again because after years i slowly began to be comfortable with the thought of a free voice,
a voice of my own
i took notes on which ways to pronounce ‘****’ without having other people be bothered
they ask for proof as if my eyes were security tapes
and when the footage is lost he is innocent until proven guilty
but so am i

yeah maybe i’m crazy.
maybe i’m crazy to see a world in which my healing is not brought along with an eraser
but i am not ******, i was treated in a psych unit because of what was done to me

i will not be interrupted.
i will not be spoken over.
i will not become someone i’m not just to please the ones who look over my shoulder and start giving suggestions.