She gave her rabbit an ear infection
And she goes out of her way to step on ants,
She crashed her car into a deer
And she purposely doesn't water plants.

She won't put ***** dishes
In the dishwasher like she should,
And she prefers not to write thank you notes
But if she does they're never good.

She wastes paper because she wants to
Not because she doesn't realize she's doing so,
She leaves the bathtub running for a second too long
Just to watch it overflow.

She argues with professors when she disagrees
And she'll do it in front of a class,
She hasn't learned just yet how
To speak to anyone without sass.

She says mean things to babies
In the sweetest sounding voice,
If she's helping someone make a decision
She'll encourage the wrong choice.

She's good at what she does
So she refuses to discuss
That she's not a good person,
But honestly...

...she's better off than any of us.