Well, you got me
There, I said it:
I love you and
I love you madly and
I’m not as drunk as you think and
I want to be with you forever
And, Hello? Are you still there?
Talk to you tomorrow.
Goodnight…
So thanks for that,
Ironing my thick skin
So that it’s paper-thin.
I’m feeling
A little more vulnerable
Than yesterday,
A bit more ashamed
To put these emotions
To my name.
Thanks for tricking me,
You’ve proved me naïve
And if I weren’t so busy
Being thankful
I’d probably be ******
That the sun never rises
Exactly when it’s supposed to
And that you drove
In and out of my life
Without
Even breezing through
The rest stop.

When I drove up your driveway
To take you for a walk on the beach
I saw you lying on your back,
Arms crossed over your chest,
On the cold summer-night pavement
With your mom standing above you
So I rolled down my window
And she looked at me and said,
“Too many pancakes.”

It was the darkest ******* night
You could imagine, especially
In a town like ours,
Stripped of streetlights
Down to the basic blinking
Of a single red stoplight,
Where the first selectman
Probably wants us to feel
Invisible, which is ultimately
What we really are
In this corner of the earth
Blind to war and starvation
And disease and discrimination
And bug bites and sour milk
And lost pen caps and return-to-sender letters…
Those things aren’t native in our minds
They don’t spill off the surfaces
Of our tongues because
We have people to worry
About that for us—
Well, I don’t—
But we couldn’t find the reservoir
So we sat in my car, turned off,
Emotions turned up,
And it winds up we were
Right next to the reservoir
The entire time…
It had just blended in
With the sky and with the road,
And if I didn’t know any better
I’d say we were just floating
Along the water as I told you things
And you held my hand
And the soles of your feet
Were pressed up against my windshield,
Which left imprints in summer dew, there,
And on my heavy heart,
But it was so ******* dark
And I didn’t even notice until morning,
When I couldn’t feel you squeezing
My hand every time I told you
Something new,
When it was light enough
To find the reservoir,
Which I don’t even think wanted
To be found.

I know I'm going to lose you one day
Because I've done and will do things wrong
It amazes me that we've made it this far
And that no one better has come along.

Every idea you hang onto
About beauty and “the one”
Is forged and skewed
By your deepest need
To fall madly in love
With whoever will have you.

If I could go back in time
And say one thing
When I still had you
I would tell you
Not to take for granted
People like me...
Because I was ready
To keep an extra towel
By the shower
And stock my fridge with
Water bottles so they were
Always cold the way you liked...
I was ready
To adore you
To love you, even,
And you threw that away.
Getting rid of me
Meant getting rid of
Late night drives to nowhere
And so much ice cream
That it hurt
But you didn't seem to mind
And it's probably better that way
But man, I wish I could go back
And tell you
That you'll never find anyone
Willing to give as much as I was
Or put so much into
Making something work.
I can't go back
And tell you this
But if I could I would,
And I would tell you
While holding your hand
So you could feel my pulse
Beating through your skin
And you might think,
"This is the beat
Of a heart
I could love."
But if I could go back
And say all these things
I would say them
And walk away,
And I'm just taking a guess
But I think
You might regret
Writing me off.

I will know that he is the one
If the world starts and ends with him,
And if his hands
Rest easy on my soul.

I won't give him up
If his voice can talk me into a dream,
And his touch makes me
Keep and lose control.