I seek darkness
and blood
for balance
I want to breathe in fluids
and
to drown myself
in beauty
so I need shades
for depth
perception
I seek out shadows
distorted versions
of light
without which I am frightened
and blind
to its shapes

I seek pain
in visions
vivid illuminations
of horror
of second hand experiences
to shoot through my system
for dopamine kicks
that allow me to cry
and long
for reality's release