My whole life
I lived amidst chaos,
emotional roller coasters,
and confusion.
I lived in silent grudges,
violent outbursts,
and self mutilation.
I lived in motion,
never calm,
always packing.
I lived in two homes
each broken
always conflicted and lonely.
I pleaded with my sanity,
begged for release,
and drank for a moments ease.
I submitted to labels...
like victim...
unfortunate...
suicidal...
I fought nightmares,
hatred,
and sick obsession.
But now....

I'm older now...
I live with a yapping dog
and two annoying cats.
I have chores
that don't seem so daunting
and bills I am almost elated to pay
I sit in silence now,
stretching for yoga
and meditating.
I find my greatest stresses
are finally things like
finals week
and cold tea.
I could cry daily,
in silent testimony,
and sometimes violently,
FOR JOY,
not darkness.
I can breathe easily
and sleep dreamlessly.
I have never been so happy.
I have never been so at peace.
I have never been so able
just to be.