Christine sat
on the edge
of her bed

her white
dressing gown
wrapped about her

her hair unbrushed
she swung her legs
back and forth
like a child waiting
to play games

you sat
on the bed opposite
your borrowed
dressing gown
dark blue
you held tight
with your hands

as the nurses
had taken away
your belt and laces
in the locked ward

when I first had ECT
she said
they took me in that room
back there and laid me
on that black couch
and said it won’t hurt
it will help

she looked at you
her eyes focused
making sure
you were listening

she brushed hair
out of her face
it’s like being a ******
before ***
you don’t know
what to expect
she added
her voice quieter

she looked around
at the ward
others were elsewhere
or in their beds
or taking a shower

and that bit
when they put
the electrodes
each side of your head
and put that thing
to bite on

yes
you said
made me feel like
I was in a dentist’s chair
back as a kid
with the smell of gas
only there isn’t gas

no gas
she said interrupting
that’s right
just feels like it  

she took a deep intake
of breath
you watched her
her fingers held
the dressing gown
to her neck
the ring on her finger
she wouldn’t remove
even if the guy
didn’t show
for the wedding
she’d keep the ring
stuck there

like waiting to die
you said
and then they give you
the injection in the hand
a little *****
and the wave of nothingness
sweeps over you
and you blank out
and it’s all dark
and empty

she nodded her head
her eyes still glued
to you
then you wake
with a headache
like a huge hangover
without the *****
she said
looking away from you
her profile adding
to her beauty

and it didn’t work for me
she added
as a nurse went by
carrying blankets

me neither
you said
just the dreaded numbness
and the busted head

she got off the bed
and walked to the window
and you followed
standing beside her
looking out
at the trees
and fields
covered in snow

a tractor across the way
with gulls and rooks
following behind

and she touched
your hand with hers
the blind
leading the blind.