you are my longing and
strange, half-formed desire
for a touch or embrace or emotion
i can read.

you are my eight years of commitment and
inability to understand how i
really feel about
you, or me, or us together.

you are my uncertainty and
apprehensiveness to change
what we've only just barely recovered,
what we'd so utterly lost.

you are my confusion and
"am i really feeling this way?"
or am i just replacing
him with you.

you are my selfishness and
want for some sort of stability.
a love that is
only mine.

you are my insecurity and
lack of petite, feminine qualities.
being so distinctly not
your type.

you are my happiness and
joyful, unabashed smiles.
with easy laughter shining
in your bright eyes.