It starts with a smile
It always starts with a smile.
I smile because I'm friendly,
and people like friendly...
Right?
Right...
People love friendly.
[Men] love friendly.
Because apparently,
Friendly equates to easy.

And so it begins.

"Hey, you seem cool,
We should hang out sometime."
Say the boys (men?) boys
In my class,
At work,
At parties.
"Okay!" I say,
Because he's cute, or funny, or smart, or possibly just
Different
From all the others.
And sometimes he is.
But sometimes...

You get to his house
To "hang out"
Because that's what people do apparently,
They "hang out"
Ask me on a date?
Laughable
I don't know that it has ever happened.
But tthey have no problem inviting me to hang.

And I go along with it.
Because we all want someone, something
And maybe this is just the way things work for my generation...
Right?

And once you get to the house
You're invited to sit on the couch.
Relax
Smoke
Have a drink
"I thought we'd watch a movie or somethin'"
...or somethin'

So the movie begins (because why get to know each other?)
And suddenly
It becomes less about the movie, and more
About the somethin'
I'm not asking for somethin'

Regardless of my nose ring,
The jokes I make,
The drinks I had,
The dresses I wear,
And the fact that I agreed to watch a movie,
"or somethin'"
I didn't come here for somethin'
I'm not asking for somethin'

"No, let's just watch the movie."

He just moves close,
Pours another drink.
When I take a sip,
His hands begin to roam.

"Seriously, no thanks."

I think about leaving but...
This is just how guys are.
Or so I've been told.

"It's no big deal. Come on. You're being a *****."

Maybe I am being ridiculous.
For some reason I feel bad. But still.
I'm not asking for somethin'

"No."

Apparently, at this point,
No
Is not an option.

"You want this too. I like you."

The fight for territory begins,
A battle I quickloy lose.
Or resign myself to?
Maybe...I asked for this?
No. I'm not asking for somethin'

Shame. Anger. I walk out alone.
How did I let this happen

AGAIN?

Guilt. Then rage.

And this time, I refuse to play the victim.
I refuse to blame myself, to keep taking this,
Because "that's just how guys are."

I didn't ask for this.
I NEVER did.

Providing drinks and entertainment doesn't mean I owe you somethin'

My dress doesn't mean I'm asking for somethin'

I am done feeling responsible,
Keeping silent,
Blaming myself.

When did men start believing that
my smile
means I'm asking for somethin'?

I'm asking for something
Not
Somethin'