i met you, and you had me wondering since then. how it took me years to find hope only to realize that it can be seen in the eyes of someone i love. how, maybe, i could use a little sunshine instead of sulking in my little dark room. how you are that little sunshine.
how i can write silly, sappy poems when i thought every letter my hand scribbles only ends up in a goodbye. how it took me years to know there is someone like you out there who could give hugs i never knew i needed. how it is unfair that i could be having the worst day but still feel light and calm when i'm with you.
i met you, and sometimes i wish i never had to. because then i wouldn't have to replay our conversations in my head while smiling out of the blue. then i wouldn't have to stay up 'til dawn thinking how someone can be so beautiful wondering why it has to be you that i want when it could literally be anyone else.
i wouldn't be missing you as soon as you leave or wanting to hear what is now a familiar sound of laughter or wanting to see what is now a familiar half-laugh and half-smile i could never get enough of, when years ago i didn't have even the faintest idea of your name or how your touch feels.
i guess if i never met you, i wouldn't be used to knowing and wondering and thinking and writing about you and your lovely soul.
i guess it would be easier to not be aware that i could feel some love when i thought all my heart could do is to feel hatred and anger and guilt.
and if i never met you, i wouldn't have to know how it feels to be a little too happy even when my life is falling apart.
but i guess if i could go back to the day i met you, i would be there, at the same place and time, and i can only wish you'd choose to be there, too.