Dec 2019
No one ever understands what I mean when I say it's almost as if I can control my emotions
I could stop being sad, if it didnt feel like I had forced a hundred rocks down my esophagus
I could stop being angry if my blood itself wasn't rushing like a stampede of buffalo
I could stop all the feelings if my brain didnt yearn to express them
The worst is repressing happiness
Stopping the happy chemical feels like a strand of fairy lights going out
I've only done it once
It wasnt like holding back anger or sadness
Not suffocating
Just blank
So as cool as being able to control your feelings is, it's no fun if it hurts
Perhaps it's just better to let them run their course
I could stop being sad, if it didnt feel like I had forced a hundred rocks down my esophagus
I could stop being angry if my blood itself wasn't rushing like a stampede of buffalo
I could stop all the feelings if my brain didnt yearn to express them
The worst is repressing happiness
Stopping the happy chemical feels like a strand of fairy lights going out
I've only done it once
It wasnt like holding back anger or sadness
Not suffocating
Just blank
So as cool as being able to control your feelings is, it's no fun if it hurts
Perhaps it's just better to let them run their course
Yikes this is bad, but it's how I got here so that's cool. I should edit it more but I dont feel like it. I think it's just a simple concept that I severely exaggerated, but I didnt wanna start this whole thing with something entirely dumb. I always have this urge to just say what I want plainly but I also want to make it sound pretty and abstract at the same time.
