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Squid 2d
I know who he is
I can recognize him in a crowd
But when i try to remember what his face looked like
Gazing at me in a fond memory
It's as if he looks away before I can see
And I am stuck staring at a profile in my minds eye
Squid Jan 8
Because of the departure of one person, I have decided to isolate myself
I am not alone
Yet I have decided to be
Why
It feels better
To be alone
And dwell on things that should have no meaning
To lurk near the presence of one I am better off forgetting
I could seek the council of those I hold dear for support
But I am afraid I have troubled them too often with dilemmas like this
And truly
It is no dilemma
But merely me gripping onto what I have lost for the second time
Squid Jan 3
Your scent is stuck in my head
Like the chorus of a pop song
I remember you asking what it was like. I still dont know exactly. But oddly enough your scent reminds me of my grandpa.
Squid Jan 3
My words are no longer poetic
If they ever were at all
Now they're just a stream of me screaming my feelings
Or rather
Speaking them in a calm manner
Even if it's a thousand pleas
They will still be repeated with the same tone
I wish I could be more of a wordsmith
But all I can do is blatantly state how much I miss you
How empty it feels with you gone
How repulsed i am by the others touch
How terrified I am of losing more people
How shapeless all of my words are anymore
When did the words become a dependency rather than an art form
I guess I'm gonna go through all the drafts I wrote the past couple of days.
Squid Jan 2
Walking
In the middle of an empty road
Its quiet
The air tastes like fire and those weird flavored candy canes
Maybe a tootsie pop
laundry soap
All at the same time
Hhhhh
Squid Jan 2
Youd never get it
How intense all of it felt
The feeling of one I didnt want pressed against my back with arms wrapped around me
The relief i felt when an old friend came to talk and gave me room to breathe
However I was still locked in place
Unable to refuse a sloppy meeting of lips
The horrible longing for someone speeding right by you
Knowing him
The desire was always there before
Like a spark
That grew into flames when I saw him
That exploded into a raging forest fire last night
Trying to figure out the expression on his face
Concentration?
Sadness?
What?
I could never figure him out
I also heard bad things last night
I didnt know what to make of them
Had I been lied to?
Trying to figure it out
Listening
But I cant
Blaring speakers and noisemakers
Combined with a desperate grab for my attention
Arms like chains around my body
A plea not to listen
Not to look
Dont tell me what to do
I'm not yours
Can you people stop assuming that?
I told him I didnt like kissing you
I didnt like any of it
I thought thatd make him feel better
But it only felt as if he was running away
Why run away
And text me as soon as he arrived home
Apologizing again
It's all so intense
I might cry again
I miss him
I dont want to
I dont want anything
Except I still want everything at the same time
Squid Jan 2
Its not about making the content anymore
Its about me
I always make it about me
But making people feel better
Or having someone relate
Even just getting them to think a little bit
That's always a plus
It helps me remember that there are other things in this world than the things I write about
It takes me out of my glorified teen drama
Brings me back to earth when I am left alone and dont have that person to tell me its okay
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