From twelve o’clock this morning
I’ve had the worst of days
I laid in bed thinking
Staring at the ceiling
Thinking about how my eyes weren’t heavy yet
My body was not tired
And all I felt was sick

By one o’clock I threw up twice
But I’m almost certain
I am not sick
All I could do was think
All I could do was think
In circles and loops and swerves

By two o’clock
I was crying
I just wanted to fall asleep
I wanted to be tired again
Feel the sleep press on my eyes
But somehow my body’s signals for homeostasis
Got broken
They aren’t working quite right at the moment

By three o’clock sleep finally came
Finally, finally, finally came
I dreamed of random things
Things that I did not like
Things that made me miss the old me
Naive me
Happy me

By four o’clock I woke up again
And everything was wrong
I walked to the bathroom
Stood facing the mirror to see tears streaking down to my chin
And everything was wrong
My hair
My eyes
Arms and legs
And I saw the outfit
I picked out yesterday
So pretty and comfortable
But right then
It was wrong
I hated it
I hated everything
I hated myself
And everything I stood for
I picked out something else
Something that didn’t make me feel
So… mad
And I parted my hair different
Because the way it was
Was awful
And I hated it
So I changed
I was so mad

By five o’clock
I realized
That sleep was
As good as a dream
So I sat staring
More staring
At nothing but shaded ceiling

By six o’clock I had thirty minutes left
The seconds felt like infinities

By seven I forced myself to get out of bed
Trying to make it a better day
But I still hated everything and to make matters worse
I had to figure out a way
To smile through the day
It was rough

And I’m still waiting for it to get better.