It was easier to surrender to the pain
than take the steps to where I needed to be.

It was easier to forget how sad I was,
angry,
disgusted,
so I swallowed my feelings with lemon juice and salt
and the bitterness burned them away.

A year has passed and now I feel nothing.
There is no positive side,
there is no negative side,  
because I can't put labels on things I can't feel.

Is this healing?
If it is, when do I get to laugh again?
And if it isn't
how do I start?