i don’t know what to write about
I’m scared how it’ll turnout
should I write about my feelings?
how i feel like i’m freezing
how i’m hurting?
it’s just so disconcerting  
how i’m scared?
it’s so absurd
scared to see my mom,
my friend,
my therapist,
is she going to call me weak?
i could’ve dealt with the pain for 2 more weeks
she’d remind me
just two
then i will be better.
but will i?
should I write about something funny?
i’ll pretend to be a dummy
fake a smile
till i walk down the isle
like everyone says
“fake it till you make it”
my mom would be proud
I just can’t cry too loud
i’ll tell her i’m feeling better
will i have to do that for forever?
then i won’t feel so bad about her paying for therapy
I dont want to be her priority
i’ll tell her my new pills are working.
hopefully that will take off her burden
should I write about my dad?
how he’s so perfect
everyone says they would be so happy if he would be their dad
or that im tired?
but im too scared to sleep
i don’t want to wake up in tears dreaming about her
how we were
i can’t feel anything
but when i bleed i can
i feel the ****** tears falling down my arm
i hate it
but i love it
why?
or do i write about love?
that love makes people happy
or so sad
but what is love?
when she says she loves me
she tells the other one the same.
but i still don’t know what to write about
just me and my tired, scared, broken, lost brain.