i sit here
hating my brain
for not
being the same
as everyone else

why cant i just
be normal
obey the social contract
indulge the morals
like everybody else

why why
why can't i
smile
i want to cry
why do i
want to die
never used to
be so sad
everything just
makes me mad
everything i do is bad
save me save me
i've gone crazy
if i am not perfect
will you replace me
will you abandon me
or do you plan on staying
i'm scared to lose another friend
because i'm **** at communicating
stay please stay
i'll fix up a room
in my heart
for you
i'll try to keep it light
though i always feel blue
i'll try to
even though i'm doomed
to get attached
i get jealous too
i know that you'll run
once you see
the insecure creature
underneath
no one could ever
love the real me
i'm stupid yet conniving
i'm so ******* ugly
from the inside out
and boy does it show
every person has distanced themselves
once they've gotten to know
me
so i let myself go
i hide in the comfort of my empty home
as the loneliness penetrates
down to the bone
oh no no no
i feel so alone
you couldn't care less
too bad i guess
after all it's my mess
piteous at best
what did i even expect