My dad and I
We may never speak
And
When he dies
I might not even be invited to the funeral,
I might not even be listed under one of his children under "survived by",
I may never get closure,
Or the answers I wanted

I will never know why he walked my sister down the aisle, but he skipped my wedding.
I will never know why he takes pictures, saying "all my grandchildren", but my son is missing.
I will never know if he cared as much as I did about these things, if he swallowed the silence.
Is he bad at his core? I might never know.

My dad and I
We may never speak
He might die
And I might never know him.

Why is it so hard to swallow?