Just what makes us think
perfection ...
is something we should strive for
some sort of goal
something we need
to make us whole
something that we're missing...
thats beyond our control
what makes us think there is such a thing
Or that we deserve it.

I don't know
if any of that is so
or if I ever had the chance
to ever really know
because I have not had
a life ...
for me to live

I had one for someone else
to control ....so...
I guess you could say
that I was out of control
but I wasn't perfect
never thought I was
I just had to counterbalance
in such a way ..as to stay
somewhere near the center

So feeling  that way
Created in me
a need to succeed
I had to seek perfection
in everything I've done
or I would have quit.. the game
long long ago
and that again
would have been out of my control

What makes a driven ego
Be
by trying to survive
for

creating a need
when someone else
has put on the brakes
trying to make sure that
you never
arrive ...
...at any destination ...
anytime or any place
It didn't matter
where when why or what      
how arriving there
without their God in my pocket
Could somehow be
some sort of disgrace..is
Idk because once again
That should not have been...

...Out of my control

now I'm left sadly empty
trying hard not to fill back up
with remorse anger or regrets
because if I was a mess before
and didn't know it
to do all that
would be the end
of all antes and all bets
as this game has no Bluffs
or any winners
it.... sure.... like....
seems that way to me
in or out
that's all it's about

just how far down there
Will they allow themselves to go
When there is no other teams

ldk...I walked away
long long ago
Without knowing
where I was bound
but what I didnt know
was just how hard
they had a hold
trying always and forever
To do anything they could
in dragging me down

so I'm glad that I was
always able
to keep me at least close
to the Center.... of Perfection
or as close as one may reach
in order to be able
finding something
to strive for
So  Im  aware that
somehow I was given
exactly what I needed
to keep me on..... going on
Finding a reason for livin

because  although there is no
such thing as perfection ...except maybe
as a check on ... a reason for
a counter- balance
When a life is
  predetermined
  to be filled with nothing...
.. but rejection
from those who were
suppossed to  help you
find direction .....
....not to make sure that you get lost !!