I thought I was blessed having good friends, people I can relay on, create memories with, study together and live our own adventures...

Then little by little the atmosphere changed...
It felt as if they are annoyed and troubled by me.
I denied that feelings and thought that I'm thinking too much about it. But slowly they started to have their own secrets, chat room, inside jokes, and then they started to hang out together without me..

I gave them million excuses for their actions, blamed my self for having a strict personality, got angry on my circumstances for not being able to hangout with them to certain places, and tried my best to fix my bad habits. Never did I realize the fact that I have never blamed them.

I got so gloomy, depressed, and sensitive at that time.
I still remembers how lonely I was despite being around them, how I acted dumbly as if I don't know anything, and that painful fake smile I had on my face.

For years I stayed...
Even when I knew what is best for me, I couldn't just leave and throw all the good things that we had together!!
There were times where I was happy with them.. times where I smiled genuinely and laughed so hard (I miss those times).. and times where I was thankful to them...

But things happen and we learn the difference between true friends that can be trusted and those who are only there to hangout with. After that incident I realize what I meant to them and finally decided to stop hanging out with them after long nights of crying..

It was hard at the begging to stop going with the people who you used to hangout with usually. It kind of felt lonely that the time we had together is no longer there.

But I did what I believe is the right thing for myself.
Even when it gets lonely sometimes, it is better than living a fake life.
Time will pass and hopefully I learn from this experience and meet better friends.

Although I'm not ready to have any honest contact with anyone for the time being..