Have you ever wanted to die, to be ended so badly that the first thing you think about upon coming back into existence from hours of unconsciousness is your undying wish to meet your final moments, that every breathing moment of your life you just wish deep down that you have the strength or the bravery to actually put everything to an end. to no longer have to exist and see this world that we were forced to live in and now have no choice but to continue because if we even think about wanting out we are seen as crazy or over reactive and wanting attention and as painful as it is to say you really do want attention because you've spent years holding in everything that you feel and are but no one has ever really noticed you and acknowledged the hard work and things you've done in this life you didn't ask for. it seems like everyday i grow closer and closer towards finally taking action on my own life. i wish to cease my breath and thought, to finally return to the infinite void that stares at us everyday, but should i tell anyone, they would say "its only for now"

at this point i don't even know what to say to people or how to correctly interact with those around me because i can just sense the difference between someone who lives in light and myself who drowns in the darkness, i want to be able to reach them but i also don't want to risk dragging them down with me into the depths by holding onto something i could never have