At the thick end of night all are sleeping
not me for the black thoughts creep in,
not invited in nor welcome here
doesn't stop the monsters my dear,
they all dance in of different flavours
one constant all seek my graced favour.

I'm tired.

It may be fear dancing and leaping maybe memory keeps me from sleeping,
perhaps it's shame leading dancers play
laughing to beat back at my sunnier day
or a blonded man blue iced eyes tithing
knots throwing knives & no nice thing.

I'm tired.

It's been 30 plus years stuck in here playing dodgem cars with all these fears
smash one over hit one to the side,
just for another to hit on the fly collide,
one more trip on the helter skelter slide.  

I'm tired.  

So weary tears stain cheeks eyes bleary,
will it soon end or stay this way forever
strive to untie the bond break the tether
but the monsters ha! they know me better than any close friend, family or lover
so I'm stuck in here wed to this terror.

I'm tired.

As the clock slows beats me backwards again I paint on the smile feign the act
I'm ok to any friend say hey hey
much easier less ugly to just pretend
rather than confess admit to say
I'm unable to unbend the bend
straighten the wires and unrip
so to interrupt the continuum slip.

I'm tired.

As thick pushes through into pointy end of dissolving night  
with pale washed out insipid
weak tea pre-dawn light
still no relent
no peace
no love
no joy
no relief in sight
I wonder if it'll ever sever
or never again going to be alright.

I'm tired.

J.C. honey-tiger 01/07/2019.