Paralyzed by who I am
And who I have become

When did I
Become so numb?
When did I
Fake all emotion?

Lying to those whom I love most
Held nearer and nearer to my heart
Dearer and dearer
But still
They slip
Realize
And I fall

When did I
Become so cold?
When did I
Become ashamed?

I no longer feel things
I am certain I should
Unknown to the existing realm
Tread upon by all
Each moment
Never left alone
Yet it shall never be

Where is the real me?
I'm lost
This tears every fiber
Every molecule, atom, element
Filament
So ******
So helpless
Unable to carry its almost non-existent weight

Seeing everything
Heart just started gunning
Running
Hide
Escape the terror
Locking myself in
Cornering myself
Hands over my ears
Thud
Over and over
I still hear it
Covering my own ears
Unable to prevent the sound
Repeating in the confines of the brain
This **** brain...
Which,
I hope to flip the switch
To off...

- Jay M
May 21st, 2019